Breast cancer is a plague that affects 1 in 8 women all around the world, regardless of race, age or health condition, but this month we get up close and personal with the loved ones of those affected. Part 2 of our breast cancer awareness series sees us interviewing a gentleman, Redza Zainal, whose wife is undergoing treatment.
We can only assume that even good men struggle with their commitment of ‘for better or for worse’, especially when they get the news that their wives have breast cancer. For Redza, former flourishing videographer and documentarist for History Channel Asia, everything was worth giving up for his wife.
What was the first thing that crossed your mind when you found out that Fara had breast cancer?
“There were a lot of questions. What would happen to her? What would happen to me? What would happen to my work, our finances, and so on and so forth. It was very hard for me to focus and accept that she had cancer. I knew about cancer, obviously, but not in-depth. I don’t know emotions, sensitivities … so when I found out, we had discussed about what to do, and about hospital issues. At the time, we were at a very bad spot financially. We didn’t have a lot of options. On top of that, as I did not understand the disease and the character of breast cancer victims, I became very defensive and was in denial. When she told me she was in pain, I had often asked her to 'relax lah', not knowing how to deal with it.”
What were initial trips to the hospital like?
“She came home from the hospital one time crying, she was so scared of what the doctor had just told her about the multiple processes which involved cutting and such, and I was confounded. She had not wanted to go for chemotherapy, because it had seemed so daunting. I tried to convinced her to go, and that was the source of our many fights. Out of rage, I remember telling her, ‘everybody dies, so just go to the hospital’. But in the end, I listened to her, asked her what she wanted to do – which was other alternatives in the beginning, such as traditional herbal medicine. That went on for two years, where I let her do whatever she wanted. After many failures, I put my foot down and decided it was time for us to go to the hospital.”
How did you cope all this while?
“I browsed a lot of books and the Internet – not about treatments initially, but about the behaviour of cancer patients so that I know how to cope better. I can’t tell her about treatments as I am not qualified. The only thing I knew was to give her moral and emotional support and protect her from things that could potentially hurt and influence her – especially from people around us. They try to help and advise but that might just do more damage than good. I didn’t want her to be frustrated and demoralised. I became her shield. People want to help, yes, they have good intentions but they don’t know her the way I do. I also think Fara is a fighter – one day at a time – that makes me strong. If my wife wasn’t fighting back, I would probably have given up earlier as well.”
“There were a lot of questions. What would happen to her? What would happen to me? What would happen to my work, our finances, and so on and so forth. It was very hard for me to focus and accept that she had cancer."
